I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
