he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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