If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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