i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
