Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
