yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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