id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
