Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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