The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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