I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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