It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
