she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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