I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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