Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
