Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
