I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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