swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
