is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
