One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
