First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
