I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
