i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Dick very happy bro
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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