can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
