you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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