Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
