i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
