I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
A bitchslap is in order.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
