I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
