Can i not drive my cunt home
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
