I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
