Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
