you're like a bully in the Christmas story
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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