found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
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I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
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Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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