I wish my penis had an off switch
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
