checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
