he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
