I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
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they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
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Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
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