Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
