I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
