Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
