She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
