Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
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My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
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Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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