We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
