Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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