How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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