she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
