Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
