I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
