remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
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I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
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How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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