R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
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