Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
When did angry sex become our thing?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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