There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
