It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
