I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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