I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
