i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
