Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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