i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
