Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
