Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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