the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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