I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
