Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
