Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
