i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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