i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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