TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
