I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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