all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
